Twilight Rewrite: A Bromance Tale
A few days later, the morning newspaper helped to take my mind off how aggravating Bella was. Unfortunately, it was nothing but bad news; a man was found murdered at the docks, his body completely drained of blood. I knew that nobody in our coven could have done it, which meant a rogue coven had a hand in this. Thankfully, it also meant that we wouldn't have a rogue fledgling on the loose.
Contrary to popular belief, you don't turn into a vampire just by being bitten by one; it's a little more complicated than that. A vampire is created when another vampire takes a soul from the Great Beyond, and places it in the husk it inhabited. The lifeforce in blood is what sustains our bodies, hence the need to consume it regularly.
This attack would attract unwanted attention from humans, as well as from a certain suspicious, thick-headed werewolf. Who was now pounding on the front door, demanding I come out. So much for indulging my literary pursuits. Being well-aware that he wouldn't go away until I talked to him, I reluctantly put my mug of blood down, and went out to weather the insults and accusations he would level at me.
"I have a bone to pick with you, Cullen!" he snarled, outrage plain on his face. "Jacob", I replied, struggling to keep my voice neutral, "Is there a reason you've come to harass me this early in the day?" "You know DAMN well why I'm here, vampire!" he roared, assaulting me with his dog breath. "I knew that you'd slip up and leave a body behind for all to see!" I was so irritated by his nonsense, my fingers began to itch. With an effort of will, I managed to keep them from elongating into claws; the last thing I needed was for Jacob to misinterpret that as the beginning of an attack, and therefore, an admission of guilt.
"First of all", I calmly replied, after mentally counting to ten, "Have you even heard of toothpaste?" Jacob was taken aback, evidently not expecting that. "W-what?! Why you-" "SECOND of all" I said, overriding him, "Why are you so certain *I* did it? I know you've only got a brain the size of my fist, but surely you should know I'm not the only vampire in these parts." Jacob struggled to get a hold of his outrage, his form beginning to fluctuate as his control began to slip. After a moment, he managed to calm himself down, somewhat; I imagined he'd be damned if he let a "blood-sucking leech" get the better of him.
"Why?" he quietly asked, setting off alarms in his head. When someone's that calm after shouting and blustering, it usually means that they've gone past the "angry" threshold, and straight into "tranquil rage". "I'll tell you why, vampire. You wanted Bella for a meal, and when your quarry was rescued from you, you went to pray upon another innocent. Furthermore, the stench of blood is all over you." I fixed him with my gaze, sheer annoyance on my face. "That's DEER blood, you idiot. Can't you even tell between the blood of a human and that of a deer? What kind of werewolf ARE you??" He didn't show any response to my barb. Which meant he was seriously pissed.
"You can't deceive me, Cullen. You must have covered yourself in deer blood to mask the scent of human lifeblood you've spilt. That's all the proof I need." He began to shift into a bigger, hairier, nightmarish form; the true form of a werewolf. I let my body relax, and allowed my human illusion to dissipate; There was no avoiding this fight. And I was so looking forward to a nice, peaceful, Bella-free day.
Suddenly, Jacob froze in mid-transformation, and from the overwhelming presence I felt behind me, I knew why. Carlisle was right behind me, the full power of a Master Vampire flowing freely from him.
"You will NOT turn my front yard into a battlefield, Jacob Black." Though he wasn't even a millennia old, Carlisle Cullen was a vampire of considerable power. I didn't have to look behind me to know his habitual human illusion was dispelled, his features sharper than a human's, and full of anger. His talons, the mark of an adult vampire, were clutched around the hilt of Humerus, the sword he supposedly received personally from the first vampire, Vorador himself.
Even if he hadn't received it from Vorador, I certainly wasn't going to argue.
Even a meathead like Jacob knew better than to take on an adult vampire, especially not by himself. Pacifist or not, Carl was a deadly swordsman. Not quite the equal to the legendary Serioli, but he'd have no trouble with a lone werewolf. Jacob reluctantly reverted back into his human form, though his scowl remained. "One of these days, vampire, I'll catch you red-handed. And you won't have your master to protect you." With that, he turned and fled, his metaphorical tail between his legs.
Carl remained poised for battle, in case Jacob changed his mind, then relaxed. "I'm getting tired of that hairball harassing my coven. As if this rogue attack wasn't bad enough..." He turned to me, his black lips back into it's usual gentle smile. "You gonna finish your breakfast, son? Wouldn't want it to get cold." I slumped wearily, the adrenaline faded. "Sorry, Carl...I've lost my appetite." With that, I headed back inside, and up to my room. Only a stogie would be able to soothe my nerves.
Too bad cigars can't make all your troubles go away.
A few hours later, it was nicely overcast, so I went for a leisurely stroll. Although sunlight doesn't burn, the sparkling would raise too many questions, and I intended to enjoy this day out in the open to the fullest. It's a shame Alice had to work, otherwise this would be a perfect opportunity for a game of baseball. It's a love I've had since I was human, and I was pleased to see that the sport remained relatively unchanged throughout the years, drug scandals notwithstanding. Honestly, some humans could be so impatient.
Noon found me at a park bench, enjoying a tasty kebab. True, vampires don't actually need food, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it. Unfortunately, that's not all that found me. I sensed a familiar, annoying presence had plunked herself right next to me. First Jacob, now this. "Hi!" she squeaked, in her painfully-pitched voice. It was at that moment that I wished vampires didn't have enhanced hearing. "....Hi." I replied, not even bothering to hide the frustration in my voice. Sadly, Bella was too dense to pick up on it. "I hung out with Jacob and his family today! Are they friends of yours?" I felt my eye twitch, and figured a slight charm spell wouldn't hurt, if only to make her go away.
Imagine my shock when the spell failed!
I tried a stronger spell, and there was still no effect, and Bella was nattering on the whole time. The kebab fell into my lap, quickly forgotten; This little nobody of a girl was immune to vampiric charm! Then she said something that completely brought my relaxing day to a screeching halt. "Are your family really vampires?" I slowly turned to face her fully. "Where...where did you get that idea from?" She smiled brightly, utterly oblivious to my discomfort. "Jacob told me about vampires that drink deer blood, and mentioned you did, too!" I just barely refrained from grinding my teeth in frustration; Of course Jacob would go out of his way to make my life difficult.
"...Don't listen to Jacob" I said, after a few moments. "Or his family, for that matter. The Quileute tribe has a lot of legends, but I wouldn't believe all of them." Many of them were, in fact, true, but I decided not to point that out. Thankfully, she accepted my explanation. But then she clung to my arm and wouldn't let go. "There's no school today, so let's go on a date!!" My oath to Carl to never harm an innocent was sorely being tested. I gently detached myself from her. "Sorry, I've got other plans today. Maybe later." With that, I set out on a brisk jog to the closest treeline. As soon as there was no one in sight, I set out on a fast sprint. Preferably to the other side of town.